"God, I hate this series."
―The Voice of Reason
Twilight Series Fail

The failure that is Twilight

The Twilight Garbage "Saga" is a series of four books known to cause sparkling brain damage, one of which is a fanfiction in book form, and another of which features a massive retcon by an extremely disturbed Mormon mother of three (God help them) named Stephenie Meyer. She got the idea from a wet dream she had one night about a sparkly guy in a meadow, and was so enamored with the sparkly guy in her head that she decided to write a book about him. Well, make that three books, one fanfiction in book form, and an attempted rewrite of the first book from his point of view.  Meyer was is an amateur writer, and while she claims to be an avid reader she obviously has no clue how to identify a sentence as painful, awkward and horribly written, so the books are not exactly the definition of literature, though fans of the books will violently disagree. And what makes the whole thing worse is that she actually studied literature. Yes, she did, even if you wouldn't believe it, looking at the crap she wrote and dared to publish. Her books have been criticized for their purple prose, anti-feminist themes and sexism, racism , glorification of pedophilia and spouse abuse, and her horrible mistreatment of science. Nevertheless, they have created a large community of fangirls who are obsessed with the series. Theories as to why this might have happened range from belief that Twihards have never read any real books, to a hypothesis that fangirls might be related to magpies, as evidence by the fact that they are irrationally attracted to sparkly things.

The so-called "saga" (it doesn't fit a single definition of that word) contains three books, Twilight, New Moon, and Eclipse, and one fanfic in book form, Breaking Dawn. It almost contained one more book, which was really just a rewrite of the first book, but some marvelous person (who many assume to be R.Patz) leaked the manuscript to the internet, so poor little Stephie doesn't want to write it anymore. And antis everywhere rejoiced. (Some Antis, however, wish for her to actually write the book for the sole wish of her making good on her promise that James wins and all the Cullens die if she were to write it in the state she's in.) There is some speculation that Meyer leaked the story herself (not that hard to believe considering how many people she passed it out to), in order to gain more media attention. Another theory is that she leaked it so that she would have an excuse not to finish it, as Meyer has proven herself incapable of writing anything but purple prose, and would be unable to write out the required fight fail scene between James and the Cullens.

External Links Edit

Urban Dictionary: Twilight

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