Suicide is the absolute solution to absolutely everything in the Twilight saga shitfest tree killer, and a desperate and constant attempt by SMeyer to pull at each reader's heartstrings and money out of their wallets. She makes nearly every main character go through it or something simillar, and Bella even makes it sound enjoyable, because SMeyer is a total idiot who doesn't think today's kids are impressionable.  She should try something called... research! And suicide is just a bad idea. Ironically, all the douchebags in SMeyer's crappy series unfortunately suck at commiting suicide.

Incidents of Suicide in Twilight Edit

  • Esme is supposed to have leapt off of a cliff because her child died (another example of how the women in this series are obsessed with babies), because the infant mortality rate at the time totally did not make that a likely event, and because when someone you love dies you just kill yourself because it's the logical thing to do (sarcasm hand raised).
  • Carlisle, after realizing he'd become a vampire, tried to kill himself in a million different ways before realizing that he could drink animal blood instead of killing humans.
  • Bella, while she claimed to be doing it for "recreational purposes only," definitely did suicidally stupid things as a result of getting dumped by her boyfriend of five months. Unfortunately, none of them killed her.


  • Similarly, Edward tries to kill himself as soon as he gets the slightest indication that Bella is probably dead. His extreme reaction to the rather flimsy evidence of her death raises questions as to whether this was really about Bella, or if it was just an excuse because we all know how emo he can be. Unfortunately, he fails.
  • The nameless Indian woman stabs herself, allegedly to save her tribe. It doesn't make sense at all.
  • Meyer has stated that she considers suicidal tendencies a requirement (a freaking requirement. Now do you see what an insane moron she is?) for a romance, saying that Elizabeth Bennett and Mr. Darcy are not really in love, as they would not kill themselves over the death of their beloved. (And once again, she dim-wittedly insults another great literary work and compares it to her own piece of cow shit which, to her, is one which is centered around a relationship which is built by fake 'TRUE' love.) Oddly enough, however, Meyer has also accused Romeo and Juliet of being idiots because they committed suicide (never mind that their double suicide was kind of the whole point of the play). This is probably just another example of Meyer wanting to have her cake and eat it too.

This had led to some "bad" ideas about having Pancho divorce Meyer.

Because the thought of suicide is enjoyable in Smeyer's Shitty ass brain!

Maybe we should kill Pancho so that Stephenie could kill herself. But wait, she won't kill herself, she's in too much love with her little "Eddykinz."

Influence on Twihards Edit

Fans say that this is nothing and it is an example of "twu luv" but others see beyond that. In Harry Potter, you never see anyone commiting suicide unless it's absolutely necessary. Girls reading this series and falling in love with the first "hawt" guy in their class will eventually get dumped. Instead of learning to get over it they will start doing suicidal things because Twilight taught them that if they perform suicidal activities, their boyfriend would want them back and love them more than ever, and they would get there own "small but perfect piece of forever" bull shit fantasy. Stop being so freakin' stupid! Most guys wouldn't even know if they were the cause!  Being a strong and independent woman is a good thing! Having a life without your boyfriend is a good thing! Twilight tells us otherwise. DON'T LISTEN!!!

Meyer's Suicidal Love Vs. Other Romances Edit

Meyer constantly compares her book and epic 'romance' to other books and lovers. Unfortunately she does this under the impression that she has written the most awesome book ever and nothing measures up. The implications of this is made even worse with her skewed and quite honestly sick belief that suicide is like giving a valentine to the one you love. This just proves that Meyer has serious mental problems.


Twilight Vs. The Princess Bride Edit

Its horribly and terribly ironic to see that while almost all of Meyer's characters will attempt suicide when faced with romantic crises or life in general, Buttercup of William Goldman's The Princess Bride does not. When Westley is believed to be dead, Buttercup instead of choosing the Twilight classic of 'leap off a cliff,' instead grieves for some time alone, then leaves her room and goes on living her life.

"The woman who emerged was a trifle thinner, a great deal wiser, an ocean sadder. This one understood the nature of pain, and beneath the glory of her features, there was character, and a sure knowledge of suffering."

-The Princess Bride pg. 36-

Buttercup decides that she will never love again and her actions are in direct contrast to Bella, who finds impossible to simply breathe without Edward. Goldman makes it clear that suffering and sorrow is a fact of life, and the mark of maturity and strength is being able to survive loss and keep on living, something we all must deal with. In fact it is used as character development for Buttercup, as she becomes a better person afterward. Near the end of the book when Buttercup does attempt suicide it is to use it as a sort of revenge against a man she despises and believes to be the man who killed Westley.

And Meyer sees Buttercup as being a weak, vapid, stupid woman in comparison to the powerhouse of inner strength, depth, and intelligence that is Bella Swan (*on floor laughing*). No, really, we're not making this up.

Twilight Vs. Firefly  Edit

Firefly was a short-lived sci-fi show by Buffy creator Joss Whedon. Fans already know where I'm going with this, but for those who haven't experienced the joys of Firefly, I give you Wash and Zoe Washburne. Zoe was a beautiful, strong, tough-as-nails ex-soldier and first officer of the ship, Serenity, Wash was simply lovable...and he was the pilot. And when I say lovable, I mean playing-with-toy-dinosaurs-at-the-pilot-station sort of lovable. He also went black and never went back, which is to say that Zoe and Wash were an actual happy and wonderful interracial couple (beat that Meyer). The two had their marital bumps, but managed to get through them and had what was probably the most stable romantic relationship on the ship. The duo of Zoe and Wash is made even greater by the fact that it is made clear that Zoe wears the pants of the relationship (again Meyer, take that) while Wash was the 'funny one.' Unfortunately Fox pulled the plug on the show early, so that we never explored the cuteness and sheer awesomeness that was Zoe and Wash.

Then came the movie, Serenity. I can hear the wails of weeping fans who already know where I am going. Near the end of the movie, adorable and lovable Wash was...killed. Quite horribly actually, after managing to land the ship safely amid a space battle, a giant spike is blown through his chest, presumably this was done because Whedon hates us. Thus fans had to cry silently in their seats as Zoe tried desperately to revive him. But alas, Wash was dead, and would no more play with his toy dinosaurs. Zoe response to his death: Kicking Reaver Butt. The Meyer Approach would have had Zoe committing suicide via cliff or throwing herself into the hordes of Reavers attacking. Instead, Zoe kicked ass, hard, going a little nuts as she fought the bastards that killed her husband. Though injured badly in the end, to the point she couldn't fight anymore, Whedon showed more female empowerment by having River Tam, a girl (gasp) complete the Reaver Ass Whupping. The end of the movie showed Zoe alive and well, still mourning the late we all do, but still alive. Amazing, isn't it, Meyer? A functioning happy relationship that doesn't involve suicide...which would make it a healthy relationship with actual love as oppose to an unhealthy obsession based on lust.

Oh, while Wash was cute in that 'awww' sort of way...he was clearly not the most attractive man...yet Zoe loved him. Wow, look at that Meyer, a relationship not built upon looks and beauty. Such a thing can happen. Take that.

Twilight Vs. Titanic Edit

The movie Titanic features a timeless romance, that of Rose and Jack. The two were magical together, and face it, Kate Winslet and Leonardo DiCaprio are better looking and so much more talented then the two pale mono-faced kids in Twilight. Yet all good things must come to an end and everyone knew that boat was going to sink. What we didn't know is that Rose and Jack would be left in a freezing ocean, trying to survive, and only one would make it. In the end, Jack tells Rose to live life, to do all that they had planned to do together, even if he wasn't going to be with her. When hottie Jack/Leo finally sank, Rose contemplated life alone without her true love.

And followed him into the sea.

Just kidding, that's what would have happened if Meyer had done Titanic (as well as much worse I'm sure). Instead, Rose decides to honor their love and Jack's final words in the best way possible, with life. She survives and goes on to live her life, doing all that she planned to do with Jack, celebrating their love with life and more love rather then destroying it with more death. Also, she found someone else to love as she had grandchildren. Rose's choice made their love more beautiful and romantic. Is it little wonder that we all cry when we hear 'My Heart Will Go On'?

In ConclusionEdit

While Meyer's formula of 'love leaves = kill yourself!' is simply petty, immature, and vomit-inducing; Anyone who thinks that suicide is a great way to express true love does not fully understand nor respect the fact that suicide is a Sign Of Mental Illness and an unhealthy emotional dependency. Fuck you Meyer, suicide is not romantic and anyone who's experienced it or dealt with the suicide/attempted suicide of someone close would punch you in the face for suggesting such an obscene and offensive thing. Also, see a psychologist while you're at it, because if you think suicide is romantic, you probably have a mental illness.

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