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SMeyer wants us to believe that no human can kill Meyerpires, but she's basically shot herself in the foot. She's stated that the Meyerpire "venom" is extremely flammable and that it lubricates every cell. So just flick a lit match on them and watch them go off like a sparkler.

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Hey Krul, rip off Eddy's arm too

And no, you don't have to worry about the fire being hot enough cause that little campfire that Alice and the others made in the ballet studio was enough to burn James to a crisp. But let's think of more creative ways to kill them.

If you give the Edward Cullen it will not work, they will die of happiness, this is not the way to roll.

  1. A grenade launcher
  2. Lock them in a school with a psycotic bear named Monokuma in charge and force them to kill each other. Like Dangan Ronpa. All of the rules apply.
  3. A flamethrower
  4. A diamond cutter and a lit match.
  5. A nuclear bomb
  6. The Avada Kedavra curse.
  7. Pyrokinesis
  8. Telekenesis
  9. Nitro glycerin
  10. Firebending
  11. Transfiguring one into a slug and stepping on it
  12. A sparkler
  13. Automatic, incendiary rounds
  14. Alucard eating one with his hounds of Hell.
  15. A stray firework
  16. Launching them into the orbit of the Sun.
  17. Hell, WHERE THEY FUCKING BELONG!!!!
  18. Launching them into space without protection of a suit, since space has no insulation against the heat of the sun.
  19. Having them watch the Cursed Videotape.
  20. Alessa Gillespie reality warping them into oblivion.
  21. The Fire Gift.
  22. Alma Wade's flesh-melting power.
  23. Being drained by Akasha.
  24. Swords of the Cross (Dresden Files)
  25. Setting a copy of Twifail Twilight on fire and throwing it at them.
  26. Having them be trampled by rabid fangirls.
  27. Exposing them to the sun.
  28. Calling Buffy.
  29. Iris - Messaging any demigod.
  30. Explaining the concept of a plot and watch when they freak out in primal confussion.
  31. Using science and logic to explain how they can't exist. SMeyer has said that they're more science than magic, so applying real world science to them would be lethal.
  32. The Ultima spell
  33. Having them commit suicide after seeing Nuttymadam's videos and seeing what they've done. Now THAT would be a good reason to kill yourself, not because your little sparklykillerpire went away.
  34. Pushing them into an Oblivion gate and watch them get mauled by daedra.
  35. Set Raiden (mortal kombat) on them, result....FATALITY!
  36. Lock them in a room with Alucard.
  37. Lightsabers, anyone?
  38. Blasters, anyone?
  39. Bombing runs by Y-Wings, anyone? (Best if the Y-Wings are loaded with incendiary bombs beforehand)
  40. Thermal Detonators, anyone?
  41. Base Delta Zero, anyone?
  42. Phasers, anyone?
  43. Photon Torpedoes, anyone?
  44. Quantum Torpedoes, anyone?
  45. Concussion Missiles, anyone?
  46. Proton Torpedoes, anyone?
  47. Hyperspace ramming, anyone? (This may miss, because they’re a whole lot smaller than the Supremacy)
  48. Send a horde of rabid vampire bats on them.
  49. Eat tater tots in front of them with a lot of garlic. Yummy!
  50. Kick them into a deep hole.
  51. Set your cat/dog on them.
  52. Force them to listen to Justin Bieber.
  53. Fus Ro dah!
  54. Get Totoro to sit on them.
  55. Force them to listen to the Lavender Town theme.
  56. Who said we need to KILL them? Be one...with Yuri. Yuri. YURI. yuri. Yuri...
  57. Neural resocialization. We will give them a better use.
  58. Butcher-sing the soundtrack of the Twitrash series.
  59. DOUBLE FACEPUNCH!
  60. Cracked.com has some ideas...
  61. Dr. Thrax's Anthrax Gamma
  62. Markiplier is more than strong enough. He's charming too.
  63. JUMPSCARES GALORE!
  64. Send in the clones of Jango Fett!
  65. Jeff the Killer will encourage the nocturnal (Stage 5 Twimentia) ones to "Go to sleep"
  66. Throw kittens at them.
  67. Get your iron pickaxe and mine them!
  68. Creeper explosion time!
  69. Set the Imperial legion on them.
  70. Death by dubstep! WUBUBUBUBUBUBUB!!!!
  71. Force them to watch My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic (they will explode)
  72. Kick them into lava
  73. Throw them off a cliff Lion King style
  74. Dunk them into a shark infested tank.
  75. Trick them into a blind date with Mileena (works on male meyerpires)
  76. Take them with you when you feed the ducks
  77. Sing really badly to the point of making them combust
  78. Impale them with a chair
  79. Get them to contract the bulbonic plague
  80. Make them go into a minefield
  81. Feed them to velociraptors.
  82. Throw bananas at them
  83. Flush them down the toilet
  84. A wild vampire slayer appears!
  85. Impale them with a lolipop.
  86. Beat them to death with a Twilight book
  87. Douse them in Jarate
  88. Tell Starfire that they ate Silkie
  89. Have them eat a dish prepared by Akane Tendo
  90. Get Batman to Glare at them
  91. KAME-HAME-HAAA!
  92. Mine turtle anyone?
  93. Introduce them to Lincoln...and his axe.
  94. Grumpy cat will help...
  95. Push them into a toaster
  96. Pour gasoline on them and throw a lit match onto them (Warning: you might get killed by any possible splashes!)
  97. Get over here!
  98. Set Slenderman on them
  99. Bury them alive
  100. Throw them into a piranha infested river
  101. Stop!... Hammer time!
  102. Get your army of Minecraft wolves to eat them
  103. Blind date with buffy?
    • Insert name of Pokémon here* I choose you!
  104. Scream like sindel in their ear
  105. Get Uboa to trap them in his world
  106. Call in the Nostalgia Critic!
  107. Use your bicycle pump harpoon from dig dug and just keep pumping that air in!!
  108. Superman Time!
  109. HADOUKEN
  110. Beat them to death with your bare fists (If you can!)
  111. Dropping them into an active volcano
  112. Dunking them into acid
  113. ZA WARUDO, then fuel tanker from above
  114. Set Margay777 on them
  115. Have Margay777 make them into steaks
  116. Make them blond (For some reason, Smeyer doesn't like blondes.... Stupid bitch.)
  117. Have them mined by some Dwarves. Bonus points if the Sparklepires caused the Dwarves to throw a tantrum.
  118. Get Roy Mustang to set them on fire using his flame alchemy
  119. Let Aoba Seragaki use SCRAP on them, let him control and destroy their minds.
  120. DEATH RAYS.
  121. Set Benny the Spaceman on them. Bonus points if he is currently on a spaceship.
  122. Find Cookie the Pixie-and-man-eating Guinea Pig
  123. Johnny Test
  124. Find AkaiDalia
  125. Killua assassin mode, need I say more?
  126. Set the Zoldyck Family on them
  127. Set BE (Bad Ending)!Ren from DRAMAtical Murder re:connect on them
  128. Put them in Attack On Titan
  129. Ferrokinesis
  130. Introduce them to some real vampires
  131. Godzilla
  132. Any Kaiju
  133. HULK SMASH SPARKLE MAN!
  134. Let them h2h fight against Sauron
  135. Let them face Morgoth
  136. Send a company of Space Marines (Sparkling heresy)
  137. Ultramarine Chaptermaster (Sparkling heresy)
  138. Primarchs (Sparkling is heresy)
  139. God emperor of mankind (Sparkling is heresy)
  140. Reshiram (Fusion Flare supernova attack)
  141. Crobat (Steel wing + Agility + Leech life like a real fucking vampire bat)
  142. Alduin
  143. Lord Harkon
  144. Goku
  145. Let them fistfight a Tyranitar (Tyranitar can crumple mountains with their claws)
  146. Any Pokémon (Magikarp + Focus Sash + Flail)
  147. Sith Lords.
  148. Face-off with the Captain from Hellsing
  149. *insert name of Pokémon that knows Fire Blast here*, FIRE BLAST!!
  150. Charizard used BLAST BURN!!!! (More powerful than Fire Blast!)
  151. Really, any Fire-type Pokémon move will be super effective against them! (Pun intended)
  152. Voltorb/Electrode, SELFDESTRUCT!
  153. Pokémon used EXPLOSION!
  154. Have Pikachu zap ‘em!
  155. Set a flock of Golbat onto them and drain them dry like real vampire bats!
  156. Make them face off against a Fire Type.
  157. Put them in the middle of a Kyogre Vs. Groudon Fight.
  158. Stick them under the spotlight, then set a horde of Gabite on them. (Gabite LOVE precious jewels - they go wild over them. What happens when the two are combined are anyone's guess).
  159. Alternatively, tie them to a stake, flay them, stick on some crushed diamonds and THEN set a bunch of Gabite/Gible on them.
  160. Heck, all you have to do is let your Tepig use Ember.
  161. Boron nitrate is harder than diamond. Make a buzz saw out of it. It just might be hard enough to cut through their skin.
  162. Venom from the Children of the Moon is poisonous to Meyerpires
  163. Molten lava
  164. High-frequency sound waves may be able to shatter Meyerpire flesh
  165. Use a knife made from diamond or boron nitrate to skin a Meyerpire. Fashion the skin into a cord or a rope, and you've got an unbreakable lasso you can use to restrain any Meyerpires who try to escape being lit on fire.
  166. They're super-fast, right? But Krazy Glue (or Kragle) is crazy strong. Spread out some Krazy Glue in an area where a Meyerpire is likely to pass. You might delay them just long enough to behead them with that boron nitrate saw mentioned above.
  167. Meyerpires' entire bodies are composed of a crystalline substance. If you can figure out its frequency, you might be able to shatter it with sound waves. Just remember to bring headphones.
  168. With either practice or with the aid of technology, you can train your mind to block out Meyerpires' psychic abilities. Now you'll have a much easier time cutting off heads with your boron nitrate buzz saw.
  169. You would think lasers would work, but the Meyerpires' sparkly skin might reflect the beam back at you. Instead, try something more practical, like a bazooka. The force alone should be enough to shatter them like porcelain.
  170. Summon Cthulhu
  171. Call Sans
  172. Use a ki blast
  173. Make Frieza watch Twilight. What happens after that is obvious
  174. Get Dante from Devil May Cry....Then charged Dante money for property damage :P
  175. Galick Gun
  176. Have Launchpad McQuack crash into them! (Sorry to crash the party!)
  177. Perfected Ultra Instinct Beyond SSGSS Kaioken x 20 Gogeta Big Bang Kamehameha/Vegito Final Kamehameha (Because no kill is like overkill)
  178. Super Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann Big Bang Infinity Storm followed by the Giga Drill break (Because a universe level attack is what they deserve)
  179. Bayonetta’s wicked weaves
  180. Loptr's meteor from Bayonetta 2. Nuke those pasty, sparklepires to dust
  181. Send in an army of Nuke Troopers from Age of Empires!
  182. Have Ash Williams introduce them to his Boomstick and robot hand. Groovy.
  183. Fact: President Theodore Roosevelt could most likely kill every single member of the Cullen family with just his bare hands in under five minutes... or, if he felt like giving himself a challenge, he could find a way to use his pince-nez as a weapon...
  184. Pump them full of Hamon via Clacker Volley or Hermit Purple.
  185. Introduce them to Star Platinum. ORAORAORAORA them to pieces. Go Star Platinum: ZA WARUDO for seasoning.
  186. Gold Experience Requiem. Introduce them to Diavolo's fate, after you MUDA MUDA AND WRYYY THEM FOR 7 PAGES STRAIGHT (Roughly 31 seconds straight if you watched the anime).
  187. Launch them into space with a volcano, the Red Stone of Aja, and a supercharged Hamon.
  188. Alucard doesn't have to set a hellhound; it took 37 bullets to shred Edward Cullen.
  189. Alexander Anderson turning the sparklepires into giant pincushions works; to select overkill, use the Nail of Helena, turn into Anderplant, and go nuts.
  190. Remember how much firepower the Protoss unleashed in Legacy of the Void to blast Amon's host body to Kingdom Come? Imagine all that unleashed on the sparklepires.
  191. Khaela. Mensha. Khaine. Burn, Monkeigh, burn...
  192. Trap them in a burning house.
  193. The Mockingjay bow and a couple of Beetie's incendiary or explosive arrows for each sparklepire.
  194. Ready - aim - DRACARYS! (And since Daenerys is not just a blonde but a platinum blonde... sounds ironic, don't it?)
  195. If you don't have a dragon to perform the above: Sneak a couple of wildfire stashes to their basement, then go all the Mad Queen way. (Even more ironic as Cersei is also a blonde.)
  196. Pilot a Gundam, and choose the manner on how you are going to annihilate them! (An all out empty clipping of every weapons that the Full Armor Unicorn Gundam has, the Strike Freedom beam spam assault, Barbatos Lupus Rex's Tail whip ans/or its big ass Mace, A Dainsleif railgun orbital strike, Wing Gundam Zero EW's Twin Buster Rifle, Nu-Gundam Funnel strike, or the 00 Raiser's or 00 Qan[T]'s colossal beam sabers.)
  197. Or if a Space colony is available, DROP IT ON THEIR FACES!
  198. Make Shinji get in the robot and destroy those fairies
  199. Pay 5 yen coins to Yato and have him to kill them using Yukine in his Blessed Regalia Form
  200. Transform into a titan (Colossal Titan is preferrable) and squash them flat
  201. And speaking of the Colossal Titan, if you hold its power, you may transform to it, but with an added nuke transformation to their proximity so they get burnt to ashes.
  202. Have a CCG raid in the Cullen Manor and send only Kishou Arima with all of his quinques (including Narukami, IXA, and OWL). A meyerpire will instantly die the moment they see Arima
  203. Have Kaneki Ken transform into a kakuja and make him kill all those meyerpires
  204. Amaterasu flames
  205. Rasengan!!
  206. Chidori!!!
  207. A Lee Sin kick
  208. 1 Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick (It can instantly kill all meyerpires in existence)
  209. A brofist from Saitama
  210. A UNITED STATES OF SMASH!!! FROM ALL MIGHT OR DEKU (HIS FIST IS SO STRONG, IT CAN CRUSH A MEYERPIRE INTO PIECES AND NEVER REGENERATE)
  211. Make them watch Boku no Pico (Guranteed to torture their minds until they die)
  212. Use Six Paths Sage Mode Tailed Beast Ultra Big Ball Rasenshuriken; or
  213. Sasuke's Amaterasu enhanced Chibaku Tensei combined with his ultimate jutsu, Indra's Arrow
  214. Orbital bombardment by Star Destroyer (A Xyston-class can destroy their planet!)
  215. A Death Star, because why take chances when you can obliterate the Twilight world?
  216. Starkiller Base, because why take chances when you can obliterate the Twilight system?
  217. Reality warping powers, because why take chances when you can obliterate the Twilight universe? (Haruhi Suzumiya is one such character who comes to mind)
  218. Gaster Blasters
  219. The Zerg Swarm
  220. Get Sebastian Michaelis to demonically glare at them and reveal his true form. After all, he is simply one hell of a butler.
  221. Hire the Seven Deadly Sins to kill them. Meliodas strikes first.
  222. Tell Korosensei they kidnapped the whole class 3-E. You know what happens next.
  223. Make the whole legion of Holy knights of Liones to attack Meliodas and let him use Revenge Counter on those Meyerpires
  224. Every jutsu that involves Tailed Beast Bombs should do the trick.
  225. Have any God of Destruction like Beerus to destroy them.
  226. Use them as a sacrifice in Human Transmutation.
  227. Or you can just make them face The Truth (from Fullmetal Alchemist) to have them be trapped in the gate
  228. Ryuga Waga Teki Wo Kurau!!! (Hanzo's Ultimate: Drangonstrike)
  229. Ryujin no Ken wo Kurae!!! (Genji's Ultimate: Dragonblade)
  230. Any ultimate move from video games will do. (e.g. Final Smashes)
  231. Trap them inside Gluttony's stomach. (Devour them, we mean)
  232. Cursed Gears of the Japanese Imperial Demon Army will do severe damage to them.
  233. Behead them using Vibranium Weapons
  234. Have the Seven Deadly Sins release their Sacred Treasures
  235. Antimatter ray
  236. Introduce them to Bella and her blood. Her plot armor will result in it dying easily
  237. Snap your finger and its head will explode because meyerpires are horribly made
  238. Speaking of snapping fingers, get all of the Infinity Stones, attach them to the Infinity Gauntlet, wear said Gauntlet, and snap them out of existence! (JUST FUCKING MAKE SURE THEY DO NOT GO FOR THE MOTHERFUCKING HEAD!!!!!)
  239. If you wanna kill them brutally, use Atlan's Trident of Atlantis, Diana Prince's Godkiller Sword, or Thor's new Battle Axe, the Stormbreaker.
  240. Reciproburst ability of Tenya Iida
  241. One for All: Full cowling!
  242. Ask them what's 1000-7. (Bonus points if you're actually torturing them)
  243. Force/make them eat food cooked by Meliodas (His cooking is terrible that meyerpires vomit to death)
  244. EXCALIBUR!!! (Optional to sing the Excalibur theme while taking out those FOOLS!)
  245. Duff Killigan’s exploding golf balls!
  246. Send in Shego. She can sass them and use her flaming fists on them. Bonus points if she files her gloves afterwards!
  247. Have Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz build an inator to eliminate them! Bonus points if it has a self-destruct button that wipes them out when triggered!
  248. The Force can do many things. Choke them, zap them, whatever works for Jedi!
  249. Force them to wear red shirts. (Anton Yelchin, who played Pavel Chekov in the more recent Star Trek films, is unfortunately a victim of doing so.)
  250. Force them to hang out with Milo Murphy. Milo can cause huge accidents around wherever he is, thanks to Murphy’s Law!
  251. Lock them in the FAYZ and either Gaia’s gonna kill them, or they’re just going to kill each other.
  252. Invite Vida from Darkest Minds over. They’d be dead before an hour’s over, because Vida already wanted to kill people that she only knew for a day, except they were less annoying. Also, she could literally crush their brains or slam them headfirst into a wall.
  253. Invite Dekka from GONE. That’s all I even have to say.
  254. Invite Bowser and/or Bowser Jr. They can breathe fire!
  255. Send in the Koopalings!
  256. Fire Flowers (Super Mario)
  257. Bob-ombs (Super Mario)
  258. Any fire move/item from Super Smash Bros.
  259. Any exploding item from Super Smash Bros.
  260. Arvis has access to a fire tome called Valflame. Battle of Belhalla 2.
  261. If you have watched Kimetsu no Yaiba, you'll think that the breathing techniques may prove useful, and yes, they function similar to hamon, with Hinokami Kagura breathing being the most effective one.
  262. Let them kill John Wick's dog. The last thing they'll ever see is a fucking pencil to their hearts.
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