The Twifail Twilight Shitfest Saga has been known to have some incredibly bad writing that can make even the most composed, calm, and tranquil person bang their head repeatedly against the wall until their foreheads bleed. There may be way too many stupid and facepalm moments to count on this list, but that won't stop us (or at least me) from at least trying.

In Real LifeEdit


  • Bella's use of the phrase, Holy Crow.
  • Edward showing himself sparkling. (HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!)
  • Bella falling for James' trick instantly! (You see why I hate this girl?!!?)
  • The unnecessary meadow scene
  • Edward holding the apple in the film version (You fail at symbolism, filmakers.)
  • Bella coldly asking Edward, "What are you?" instead of, oh I don't know, THANKING HIM FOR SAVING HER FUCKING LIFE!!!
  • Bella walking into a dark alleyway at night, with predictable results (*facepalm*)
  • Bella's description of Eric Yorkie (If she described me like that, I'd punch her out cold.)
  • Edward stalking Bella in her room (Yeah, 'cause that isn't creepy or anything! *sarcasm hand raised*) as well as Bella finding it charming.
  • Superpowered Meyerpires Alice and Jasper who couldn't hear a telephone call between James and Bella.
  • Bella passing out so we couldn't see the Cullens' fight with James. (Fuck you, Meyer!)

New Shit Moon

Still smarter than SMeyer


  • Bella's screaming in her sleep (it's even more insufferable in the movie version)
  • Bella jumping off the cliff (The stupid part is that IT DIDN'T KILL HER!!!)
  • Edward trying to expose himself as a vampire (Read above ^^ Enough said)
  • Bella riding with a possibly dangerous stranger on a motorcycle just to hallucinate Edward.
  • Bella riding on a motorcycle, again, to hallucinate Edward (Sadly, she survives this, too)
  • Bella's hallucinations of Edward in general
  • The constant use of crappy songs in the movie version (The least they can do is provide a complete orchestral score!) (Erm, isn't that a GOOD thing? It IS a crappy movie, so it's fitting. But the movie soundtracks aren't that bad, now THAT'S incredibly stupid!)
  • Bella going into a catatonic state after Edward broke up with her...FOR 3 MONTHS!!!
  • The three blank month pages.
  • Jacob saving Bella from drowning
  • Bella getting a bloody papercut (In Meyerland, logic gets the middle finger)
  • Edward forcefully pushing Bella into a table with glass vases after she got the papercut. You know, to protect her. (*bangs head on desk*)
  • "I told you, no presents" said by a certain Mary-Sue emo multiple fucking times. (What a bitch)
  • Bella's intended last words: "Edward I love you." (At least you can laugh at this one.)
  • Bella running out into the woods after Edward (Sadly, she survives THIS too!)
  • When the Volturi beat the sparkly shit out of Edward (*goes to make popcorn*), Bella offers to die in his place. (*facepalm, wall banging, and burning popcorn*)


  • Victoria getting killed (Fuck you, Meyer)
  • Bella telling Jacob that vampires have no fangs (That does not even begin to make sense, even from a scientific standpoint!!!)
  • Bella forgiving Edward for pulling all of his abusive shit on her.
  • Bella distracting Victoria with a gasp. And then Edward kills her. (Again, Fuck you, Meyer!)
  • Bella trying to stab herself in the heart... with a ROCK. (*facepalm*)
  • Quil imprinting on Claire
  • Edward and Jacob having a friendly chat while Jake is rubbing up against his girlfriend.
  • Page 1 through page 629

Breaking Canon DawnEdit

  • The super-hot-pillow-biting-bedboard-breaking-fade-to-black sex scenes.
  • Quil's date in a beach with a three year old girl. (More incredibly creepy than incredibly stupid)
  • Renesmee...just...Renesmee, in all her idiotic speshulness, her name, her birth, etc.
  • The anti-climatic ending.
  • Pedowolf Jacob imprinting the only just born Next Apocalypse Renesmee (As Ron Stoppable would say: “That is just sick and wrong!”)
  • Bella getting mad at Jacob because he gave her baby a nick name to use instead of her god-awful name.
  • Bella not getting mad at Jacob for imprinting on her baby.
  • The final fight debate with the Volturi.
  • Pages 1 through 768.


  • Isn't it obvious? Bella, Bella, fucking Bella!
  • The Twilight series in general (I may be cheating but who cares?)
  • Bella and Edward in general
  • Every annoying character that tries to commit suicide and fails.
  • Bella CONSTANTLY asking Edward to make her a vampire.
  • Every single fucking voiceover.
  • The constant abuse of the word chagrin.
  • Every time that the books rape the dictionary and thesaurus
  • Every murmur and mutter.
  • Naming a vampiric clan (Cullen) with a name that sounds like the Spanish word for ass (Culo)
  • Naming a vampiric clan (Cullen) with a name that starts like the French word for ass (Cul)
  • Naming a vampiric clan (Cullen) with a name that sounds like a body part that stores shit (Colon)
  • Let's just say the name "Cullen" in general. (no offense to Peter Cullen)
  • Meyer screwing over the only cool characters in the series. *cough*Leah!*cough*
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