Yes, they're Sues/Stus. Yes, they're the most ridiculous predators ever. Yes, they are a disgrace to all real vampires. But, despite all this, Meyerpires can die, proven in the books. It's explicitly stated that they must be torn apart, lit on fire, and their ashes have to be separated, preferably broken down even more, so that they cannot pull themselves back together. Because really, wildlife will go extinct because of these "vegetarians". There will be a time when all meyerpires will feed off humans, transforming many an innocent citizen into a sparkly, sickeningly sweet and cheesy monster who babbles things like "you are my life now". It is a known fact that they have a biology-breaking ability to reproduce. But, fear not! To eradicate the ongoing plague, the following techniques will help the brave ones who dare to pass into the Twilight Zone!


Kill it with fire! They cannot put their own bodies back together once they're a pile of ashes! Even mortal humans could do this if they can trap the failpires before they can run like cowards.

Alternative methodsEdit

Nuclear weapons, rocket launchers, or anything that can generate explosions is worth a try. Preferably, hide a bomb that can blow up the Cullen's house when they're in it whilst rigging their yard with land mines. That might just outdo their ever so cheap super speed. Optionally, if you possess the body parts of a recently killed meyerpire, use them. They can penetrate the ridiculously hard skin of the meyerpires.

Inflict a Fate Worse Than DeathEdit

So maybe there is a particular sparklepire you hate. Maybe one you really, REALLY hate. What did they do to tick you off so much? Maybe they ate your puppy. Or maybe they were responsible for calling in OTHER sparklepires to save their little hellspawn that ended up eating your parents. Whatever the reason, they need to pay, and death is too good for them. As most of Meyer's creations are near co-dependently obsessed with their respective partners, find out who that partner is and take him/her out instead, leaving the original perpetrator a sad, broken, single shell of his/her former self. Since, you know, life isn't worth living without their OMGTWUWUV!!!!!!11!!!!

Send them back in timeEdit

Another common preferred method is to send them back in time. Preferably the Crusades. There the Meyerpires will be killed for witchcraft by Templars


The Templars getting ready to kill Meyerpires

For those heroes willing to sacrifice themselves for a causeEdit

Get yourself hurt in the woods, or at least pretend. Mr. oh-so-generous Carlisle will spare you by vamping you whether you wanted to or not. That should give you the same powers that they have. Fight your urges to kill humans for a while (preferably using old bloodbanks to avoid animal slaughter) until you're sane enough- and destroy every meyerpire you see. Yes, you are the demons. When you're the last one left- you die if you want to completely rid us of this plague... or never vamp anyone again. Of course, there's the cause of the GLA...but that's wrong.

How long would they live?Edit

If we don't act now... until the earth is uninhabited. No doubt that they all would end up killing each other when there is no life left, but any ones that survived would live on until the apocalypse. But even if they survived that, they would face eternal purgatory. Probably a fitting end to some we could name.

Are we alone?Edit

We're not alone. Fictional characters also help us. Here's a list of attempts.

Don't confuse this for the other apocalyptic war Twilight brought into being.

The Twilight War is but the beginning of a series of wars... that will culminate in the fruition of the Plan.

See AlsoEdit

List of ways to kill a Meyerpire

Community content is available under CC-BY-SA unless otherwise noted.